Oh god I’m hurting him.
Saying it doesn’t make it hurt less,
Doesn’t make it more okay.
Each lift of the corners of my mouth
or of his
is just another movement into our lie
-into my lie.
This feeling?
Its label I’m unsure of
Its source just as much a mystery
I know I’m hurting him
But I won’t stop
Can’t give him - or this up
It’s cruel
But then again he stays
He lets me hurt him
So am I the only one to blame
This misery
Is it possible I can find in him a place to place my blame?
To lighten the burden that I am hurting
This man I say I love?
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