Scared

I'm having doubts
the sting of tears
of hunger pains
do i really want this
yes...
maybe...
i don't know...
i want to be thin oh god how badly i do
but i know the risk
i know the harm
is it worth it
yes...
maybe...
i don't know...
craving needing wanting
that deliciously baked
drippingly sweet flaky pastry
no
no
NO
no
no
yes...
maybe...
i don't know...
shit
i was weak and let it pass my lips
now i'll fall
fall
fall
and be so angry with myself for the rest of the night
just because i didn't want this
but now i'm not so sure
it would be so easy to just start eating again
to pretend that i don't care about the muffin top
about the missing gap
but simultaneously i'll be hating myself
for not being able to stick with it
can i do this
yes...
maybe...
i don't know...
i'm faltering
i only know one truth anymore
i want to be thin
i'll give anything to be thin
to feel beautiful
am i ready to do whatever it takes?
yes...



maybe...




i don't know...